How I Completely Potty Trained My Child by 18 Months Old
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links and I receive a small commission (at no extra cost to you) from any sales made through such links. Thank you for supporting the work of this blog!
Have you ever been in the middle of changing your baby’s diaper and as soon as the diaper comes off, your baby pees everywhere?
I’ve heard some people claim this happens due to a sudden change in temperature that causes them to react. While this could very well be true, I learned something that made more sense to me: babies are born with an instinct to not want to soil themselves (can you blame them?).
When newborns have to go potty, they try to communicate it with us by crying. We spend so much time trying to figure out what they want (are they hungry or tired?) and by the time we change their diaper, they finally let everything out.
Eliminating in a diaper isn’t natural, but eventually, babies get used to it. Peeing and pooping in a diaper becomes a learned behavior that they need to unlearn later on.
In Westernized countries, the average potty independent age is three or four years old. In contrast, over half of the world’s children are fully potty trained by one year old.
I understand every child reaches developmental milestones at different ages—potty independence isn’t an exception. However, unless a child has special or medical needs, it’s generally unnecessary for them to wear diapers until pre-school years.
Context Counts
Up until recently, wearing diapers until late toddlerhood was uncommon. To understand why children on the changing tables have been getting older through the decades, we have to take a brief look at the history of potty training and disposable diapers.
In 1914, a booklet entitled Infant Care was published by the United States Children’s Bureau. Writers advised parents to start potty training by three months old—the goal was to sit the baby on the toilet at the same time every day to establish regular bowel movements.
In the 1950s, most children were using the potty within a few months of life and completed training by one year old.
Through the preceding years, physicians and psychiatrists began expressing that potty training was a psychologically-meaningful stage of life—and if mishandled, a powerhouse for anxieties and personality problems to fester.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “before children are twelve months of age, they have no control over bladder or bowel movements. While many children start to show signs of being ready between eighteen and twenty-four months of age, some children may not be ready until thirty months or older. This is normal.”
If this statement was true, then how would it be possible for infant potty training to be normal in non-Western countries like China, Southeast Asia, India, and South America today?
The problem isn’t our children not having control over their bodily functions (because they do). The problem is, however, the disposable diaper industry and its strategic marketing strategies.
The first disposable diaper design was patented by Valerie Hunter Gordon in 1948, but it wasn’t until 1961 when Pampers hit the shelves that diapering was revolutionized.
After the introduction of mass-produced disposable diapers, there was a rising trend in delayed potty training. In the 1970s, the average age of potty independence was eighteen months old. Now, it’s around three or four years old.
It should come as no surprise that disposable diaper companies are in favor of delayed potty training and continued diaper consumption to create additional profits. The growing popularity of pull-ups is just screaming rhetoric like, “It’s okay to let your four-year-old child shit themselves, so long as disposable diapers are convenient for you.”
Harnessing the Power of Communication
With 24.7 billion disposable diapers rotting in our landfills every year, I was determined to select an eco-friendly way of diapering my first-born child.
I bought a full-range of cloth diapers, thinking it was the most natural and sustainable option at the time. Then when Dakota was 7 months old, I discovered a whole community of potty whispering moms who practiced elimination communication.
Elimination Communication (also known as EC, infant potty training, or diaper-free) is a method that involves becoming attuned to your baby’s timing and signals, and responding by helping them eliminate (pee or poop) in an appropriate place.
This practice is a gentle and non-coercive way to potty train an infant from as early as birth. Unlike conventional potty training methods, EC does not involve praise, rewards, punishment, force, anger, or consequences.
There’s a misconception that diaper-free means having a naked baby and mess all the time, but it actually means “free from dependence upon diapers. In reality, EC is much more sanitary than having to clean feces off of your baby’s skin.
EC makes a beautiful contribution to communication and mindfulness in caregiving. Throughout the process, you will learn to follow your intuition and deepen your connection to your child. You’ll also give your child the freedom to explore their own bodies and develop a healthy sexual identity.
Before we dive into my personal EC experience, I have to give credit where it is due. I cannot emphasize how much Go Diaper Free by Andrea Olsen shaped my understanding of EC.
I know $47 is a chunk of change for a book, but I believe it to be the ultimate potty bible and worth every single penny. Trust me, you’ll greatly appreciate the money you’ll save from buying diapers (and changing them).
The Pre-Potty Process
Before I began taking Dakota to the potty, I spent three days learning her timing and signals. This observation stage was (and is) crucial for successful potty training.
For two to three hours a day, I let Dakota run around naked for diaper-free observation time. I lined my living room with towels for easy clean-up.
When I noticed her peeing or pooping, I would cue along with her to establish a sound association. I made a “psss” sound when she peed and grunted “mmm” when she pooped.
“Cueing helps establish sound association with your baby, and eventually the cue will become her prompt to release and go potty. The more you do this when you see her go, the more she will associate going to the bathroom with your noise.” -Andrea Olson, EC Expert
I kept a log of what times she went potty and what happened right before she peed or pooped. I learned that sometimes she would get fussy before she had to pee, and the opposite—really quiet—before she had to poop.
In addition to Dakota’s unique timing, I also familiarized myself with generic timing or “pottytunities.” These are common times that a majority of babies have to go potty, such as upon waking from sleep, before or after a bath, and before or after putting them in something they’ll be in or were in for a while (car seat, stroller, sling, etc.).
By the third day of the observation stage, I suddenly experienced intuitive hunches where I “just knew” that Dakota had to go potty. I quickly learned to be attentive to these feelings and to trust my intuition. After all, intuition is a legitimate functioning bodily system that’s designed to guide us through life—potty training included.
How to EC
EC methods will vary slightly depending on whether you have an immobile or mobile (crawling, cruising, or walking) child. Dakota was mobile at 7 months old, so she sat on a potty chair.
If you have an immobile baby, you can position your baby over a top-hat potty, sink, or toilet. Go Diaper Free has detailed photos of different positions and appropriate potty places that you can refer to.
I found that the best way to start EC was to offer the potty during generic times. After the first few days of EC, I was comfortable enough to act upon Dakota’s natural timing.
At other times, I felt as though I was on auto-pilot. I found myself heading to the toilet with Dakota in my arms, without really thinking. When I was distracted or delayed with acting on my intuitive hunch, I would experience a miss (not catching pee or poop).
When I noticed it was potty time—based on Dakota’s signals, natural timing, generic timing, or my intuition—I would verbally-acknowledge it’s potty time by saying “let’s go potty.” I also used sign language for the word “potty.” This helped her understand that help was on the way and she would experience relief very soon.
I would position her on the potty and I make the cue sounds “psss” or “mmm” to let her know that it was safe to release.
Sometimes she’d let out her pee in one stream and other times it was released in spurts, so I learned to be patient. I’d wait up to 5 minutes to make sure she was completely done.
She would tell me “I’m finished” by stretching her legs, becoming active after being still, or getting off the potty.
Since EC doesn’t involve praise (“good job/boy/girl”), I would respond with reflective statements, such as “you’re peeing” and “I like that you pooed in the potty.” Other times, I wouldn’t say anything upon a successful potty because eliminating is a natural process—much like eating and sleeping.
EC clean-ups are much easier than changing a diaper! For pee, I blotted Dakota’s vulva with a cloth wipe. For poop, I rinsed her butt in the sink and used a cloth wipe to dry her off.
After some trial and error, I found that putting a little bit of water in the removable insert/liner before Dakota went potty resulted in a painless clean-up. Cleaning a compact potty is pretty straightforward—just dump pee or poop in the toilet, wash the potty with soap, and let it air-dry or wipe it down.
Part-Time EC
You can choose to do EC part-time based on your lifestyle—it doesn’t matter if you’re a working mom or have your baby full-time.
You can do EC once per day, while your child is at home, or only to catch number twos. Part-time EC will look different for everyone, but that’s the beauty of it.
In the early days of training, it was challenging for me to catch Dakota’s pee unless I was watching her closely. As a stay-at-home working mom, I didn’t always have the time to be vigilant for her potty signals (which were elusive sometimes) and then rush to the toilet.
I did part-time EC until we were both confident enough to commit to the practice full-time.
EC While Traveling
During training, Dakota wore cloth diapers when we were out in public in case we couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time.
I always carry a foldable potty seat in my bag so she can go to the bathroom comfortably. There’s nothing worse than the thought of my baby falling into the toilet (or off of it).
For long road trips, we use a 2-in-1 portable potty seat that comes with a collapsable liner and converts into a potty trainer seat. The foldable seat attaches to any standard toilet. The reusable liner comes in handy when we’re outdoors and at pit stops in the middle of nowhere.
Nighttime EC
You can choose to do EC at night, but I chose to skip it altogether. Instead, I let Dakota go potty before bed and used a cloth diaper at night. Eventually, I switched her to underwear once I noticed that she would wake up with a dry diaper.
We co-sleep, so if I notice her getting fussy in the middle of the night, I’ll take her to the bathroom. She falls right back asleep without a problem.
Completing EC
To complete potty training, your child needs to be developmentally and physically capable of holding long-term, repetitive action and executing it on a regular basis. This typically happens around 14-18 months old.
Jamie Glowacki, a non-coercive potty training expert, shares the following signs that your child is capable of being potty independent:
“I use 4 markers to gauge readiness:
The ABC Song. Does your child have a grasp on the ABC song? I use this because your child doesn’t understand the complexity behind learning the alphabet. No, your child knows this song because you sang it 600 times. They learned it by repetition and consistency. Human beings learn new skills by repetition and consistency. I repeat. We learn by repetition and consistency.
Can your child communicate, in any manner, that she needs food because she’s hungry?
Can your child communicate, in any manner, that he needs fluids because he’s thirsty?
Can your child throw a tantrum, for anything?
You may laugh at this, but listen: a tantrum, any tantrum, is due to your child wanting something and you not giving it. It means your child is aware of his desires. If your child is capable of being aware of and acting on his bodily functions of hunger, thirst, and desires, then your child is capable of being aware of and acting on his bodily functions of pee and poop. Your child is ready to be potty trained.”
We started with daytime completion, followed by nighttime completion. Dakota was absolutely diaper-free by 18 months old!
For the first month, she wore training underwear out in public for added protection. Then, we completely transitioned to regular underwear and her dresser has been brimming with Tiny Undies since then.
Tiny Undies is owned by none other than Andrea Olson. They’re anatomically-designed to properly fit babies, young toddlers, and older toddlers who typically have small upper thighs, small waists, and protruding bellies. Sizes range from 6m to 4T.
We also upgraded from a compact potty to a family toilet seat with a step stool for independent access.
Paving the Way to Potty Independence
I wholeheartedly believe that every child is capable of reaching potty independence at a young age. After all, mothers across millennia have pottied their children since birth, and you can too!
Just like babies “ask” to be fed, put to sleep, or comforted, they also ask for help relieving themselves away from their space. Learning to respond to your baby’s elimination needs is the same as learning to respond to their needs for food, sleep, warmth, comfort, and play.
As parents, it’s our duty to help our children own this natural process in a healthy, open, and supportive way.
When we quiet the outside noise of the diaper industry’s propaganda and Western critics alike, that is when we can hear what our children are asking from us, “I need to go. Please help.”